A-Ha! Top Five Alan Partridge Quotes.

It's an obsession...but I do consider watching Alan Patridge as mandatory to living.

1.Context: Alan is eating an apple pie that Lynn has microwaved for him.
Quote: Alan: "How long did you put it in for?"
Lynn: "8 minutes."
Alan: "It's hotter than THE SUN!"

2.Context: Alan depressed and talking to Michael at the pub.
Quote: Alan: "I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch.""

3.Context: Alan, Sonja and Lynn are in his Lexus driving to the country club.
Quote: Alan: "Dan's a great man. I was talking to him today on the phone and he was asking me what phone I have and I said a Motorola Timeport and he said 'that's SAAAAAADDDDD! you need to upgrade' and I said 'so do you to a new face!' He nearly soiled himself he said he was laughing so hard, he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils and that made me laugh... But my nostrils were clear..."

4.Context: Alan is ecsaping his stalker.
Stalker: "I'll see you next week then?"
Alan: "No way you spastic, you're a mentalist!"

5. Context: Unimportant
Quote: Alan: "Smell my cheese you mother!!"